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My family has been joking around with me being a vampire. because:

1.I have very white, sprakly , perfect teeth which ive never had dentil work on.

2.I'm allergic to garlic.

3.I'm very pale. ive never seen someone so naturally pale. and neither has anyone else.

4.My eyes are black when im angry.

5.School comes very easy to me. And im a very quick learner.

6.I don't blink, i only blink when i put in my contacts, and when i close my eyes if somthing might get in my eyes.

7.I have headaches alot.

8.The only place i get pimples is on the back of my neck, and i think in my 14 years, ive had 2 pimples.

9.Some people say my face/skin is the clearest thing they'd ever seen.

10.My senses are very acute. I can hear someone�whispering 4 rooms away. I can smell everyone's own scent, and i know who comes in the room by smell. My skin is chilly alot. and im very sensitive to heat (like in the shower, i feel like warm water is burning my skin). The only reason i have glasses/contacts is because when i was little i got into some chemicals and hurt my eeyes, so i have very bad eye sight. but its fine with glasses. =]

11.i breath a bit heavier/faster than most people.

12.I dont really like the sun, when i go outside i close my eyes if the true sunlight is out because it hurts my eyes, and gives me a headache. and when the sun shines right on my skin it stings. But i love the feel of it when im really cold.

I've never shared this with anyone, and probly never will. it's a shame how people are these days. =/

You're probly reading this saying 'she's making this all up, she just wants attention' OR 'omg vampires arn't real!!!' OR 'how does all �this have to do with being a vampire?!'

I have an answer for you, this is my journal. You decided to read it. Keep your rude thoughts to yourself. i never once said i was a vampire. im just posting my thoughts.

Today we mark the 35th year of our marriage. Isn't that amazing? I don't understand how that sounds like such a long time but doesn't feel like it.

It was going to be just an ordinary Monday, he was going back to work after our long weekend, S. and D. were going back to school and work and I was back to the household grind - ordinary - until we got the call last night.

We have that great invention of that last decade called Caller ID so when the phone rang at around 7pm last night we saw my father's name and assumed that the usual late coming birthday wish was going to be given. So when�B�came running with�the ringing phone and�a smile in his voice�as�he said excitedly, "it's your dad",� I wasn't the least bit apprehensive as I said "hello?". But I should have been, I wish I could have known what he was going to tell me�because I would have been able to handle it differently.

In the first couple seconds of hearing his�voice I didn't hear it, but then it was unavoidable, the sound that something was wrong�sounded like a loud siren and I couldn't say anything but "what's wrong?"

He tried to say something but his voice broke up, I thought in that second that he was going to tell�me that�his wife had died but as he fought to gain control he instead told me that�she's very ill and it won't be long.�

How do you know what is the right thing to�say? I thought I did, I like to think I�am a sensative person.�I knew he was in pain and that he was having a hard time telling me that his wife of 33 years�is too sick to get better. The words I spoke were comforting him, I could hear that in the strength of his voice, I was doing good, afterall I am sorry for her and him. But�when he told me about "the whole family coming together a couple weeks ago�at the hospital for her", I couldn't stop myself from asking him why I wasn't called then? He put it off on her (never taking responsibility for his own daughter!) saying that it was "her call". I should have accepted that, I should have left it at that but the lump in my thoat was enormous and the flood gate was pushing hard, the words just rushed out. I told him what he should have called, I should have been there,�that she always told me that I was her kid, she always called me her "daughter kid".

Divorce sucks! It clearly boiled down to Her Kids and His Kids. And in the end I find out that the two will never be equal. I am put on the outside by not being included in the group that was referred to as "the whole family".

I should have been called but they didn't and that's that. I am called now, now that she's "incoherent", that she won't even know I'm there, it is what it is. She officially became my stepmother after I'd been married for 2 years so our relationship was more of a friendship than a mother/daughter. I loved her, I saw how happy she made my father, I showed her my love and respect all through the years.�When we moved closer to them - to BE closer to them it didn't work out that way. She seemed to recent my ability to�drop in�on them. She took shots at me when I was at my most vulnerable ie: my mother's death, the birth of my forth child, etc. Our relationship changed as I never knew when she was going to go off on me. I tried to talk to my father in� hopes that he'd be able to get through to her and mend things for us but he in his usual style shrugged his shoulders and didn't see any responsibility for his daughter. He was fine with her and I drifting apart, fine with us not being at his holiday table and so the years went by and here we are - after all these years I'm just somebody that he thought he should call to tell them that she's coming home on Wednesday, hospice will be there and the end will follow soon.

at last i saw the gynacologist and he said i need a hysterectomy .well that was all well and good he booked me in for feb 2nd then that very same day phoned me up to tell me they are now doing it this thurs . O M G ! so this then sent my mind into overdrive do they know something i dont why so fast ? last thurs was the first time i saw him this thurs i will be in having my op . well at least the years of pain will come to an end very soon i cant wait .they said it will give me a new lease of life well i hope it does . i even put up my christmas tree early just so i can decorate it as i wont be able to after the op .so i dont think i will be on here for a while but i will be back soon

OMFGWTF!!!! I just stumbled upon the fact that The book series "Nine Lives of Chloe King" is being made into a show!!! I can't wait to see it!!

I've seen Twilight 3 times since it's came out. i'm soooo cool.

Anyways. lets talk about the basics.

1.It's 25 days til' Christmas. My parents asked me 'Do we still need to buy you gifts, or are you old enough that we don't have to anymore?'

2.Thanksgiving was... tiring, fake,�and never-ending.

3.My apperantice doesn't seem to consume my life as much now. And i'm very happy with that. I'd really like to make friends with someone whom will be MY friend, now my style's friend. =D

4.I'm not dating anyone, and i havnt dated anyone in a long time. I've given up on crushes, they're useless, and all that provide is heartbreak or anger. I'm not super worried right now about that anyways. I'm in high school. Its not i'm middle-aged and have 3 kids. I'll wait for my Edward to find me.

5.I'm writing a 'story' well...more like a book. I'm on chapter 5. And no, i won't be posting any of my book. OR my art. Because all that leads to is people stealing my work.

6.Zia (my ball python) seems to be my only friend latly. Israel is soo immature...well...actually he's quite dumb. He may be a junior, but im a freshman, and he gets angry with me when i talk above his head. My fault? Nope.� And Ashley (bff?), well, i'm just not sure. I have a very bad feeling that she is going to leave/give up on me very soon. I try to tell her everything, but she never seems to want to say anything back. She says she's just a 'listener', and not a talker. But i have a strange feeling that that's not quite the truth. That make's me quite sad actually... *blinks eyes to try to hold back crying*

7.I wish my sister was my age. Her being away at College sorta sucks. But, then again it has it's up sides.� Her boyfriend lives here with his, and i dont mind that AT ALL because he's awesome, and i love talking to him. He's like a brother. But i like her being away because i can have friends over without worrying if they are gunna wanna hang out with her more than me. (which has happened before) AND i dont have to worry about having my hair done and makeup done all the time, because when she is home she ALWAYS has friends over. I swear, she has like 230924029384 friends. She makes me feel so anti-social. BUT, i like having her home because when she's in a good mood, i love talking to her. And when she's home (and no friends over) we sometimes go places together. And i really love getting out of the house and spending time with her. Getting to know her more would be great. Yet, she never has time for her little sister. =/ I suppose that's the way it is with all sisters, right?

8.it SUCKS because there are a couple things i can't even post on the internet because people would call me crazy or somehow the people who know me from my school or whatever would find it, then tell everyone. It's nothing embrassing, its just, not very humanly.

9.Geez. The Twilight Soundtrack is mezerizing. I listen to it ALL the time. <3

10.I havn't slept in 2 and a half weeks. The last time i slept i dreampt of me walking down a dark street and i heard someone talking to themselves. They were sitting on the curb, i put my hand on their shoulder and then they were just gone...i looked around and tried to find them, i ran until my lungs gave out and i dropped to the ground. Then, i woke. It's scary...i just dont understand what it means.

11.I'm going to go play the piano for a while. i'm getting better at it i think. =]

Bored Bored Bored. sometimes i need something to do, but ive done everything cleaned tidied played on games,blah, blah ,blah blah blaahh. Evil Is streaming through the widows in my house,everyone seems to be grumpy. its december tommorow people should be happy not sad, or angry, but it seems that way. it is that way i dont want it to be, we have no food in the fridge, and my mum is ill so she cant go shopping and i cant carry all those bags and plus i cant drive!! My stepdad is driving me nuts he said i have to pull my weight, but i am i dont have time to tidy very much because im working my ass off on this job i want. so i am pulling my weight. he syas i spend day and night on the computer but thats training, finindg out science facts on the body. thats why i am on the computer non stop. im old enough to move out but its too much to plan or handle i have my own little seperate house attached to the house so i guess that all i need till i sort everything. im up very late at night at like 3 in the morning but thats not night. but on school days i toss and turn for hours on end and i need to get something to help me sleep. honey milk sometimes works.... im stressed out because my mum is stressed. i go crazy when my mums upset it makes me 10 times as upset.

That is how Iam feelin right now. Why did I meet someone so far away, whom I cant reach and at the moment clearly needs some space. I need something from him that he cant give me at the moment or ever. I am regretting gettin involved with him. for a number of reasons mostly the distance. I have so much shit on my mind. Iam bored need something to fill this empty hole. He cant do that for me. I wish I was dead. Seriously I wish I would die a painless death.� There� are no real friends to chat with or anywhere for me to go,� I feel like a prisoner of my own home. I wonder what I would be doing if he were here. Then I wonder if he will ever come, I dont mean to rescue me from boredom. I have decided not to call him anymore, he is always preoccupied. That says to me he doesnt want to be bothered and Iam not about to pursue him or any man. Iam going to keep myself busy doing stuff like living my dream once I find out what that is. Perhaps Iam reading him wrong but I doubt it. Iam sure the of the cues he is giving me. Maybe my mother was right, then there are the times that I feel that she is putting a whammy in the mix. Is there anyone out there for me? Anyone I can be myself with? Hope defered� makes the heart sick. I need to refocus myself, take the time out for Elizabeth and do whatever I want to do. I feel so unloved and so underserving and unworthy @t imes. Right now I�want to be selfish! Just consider me and me only, all my life I have taken care of others, but who takes care of me no one. I am never to show� fear, but be strong and confident� regardless of what may come. Iam a very insecure fragile person. I am moving on with my life, if love comes great and if it doesnt then I will have to re program myself to love� all of me. Sometimes I dont think anyone is able to or has the desire to love me. Either I push them away or it just goes to shit. For once can I have a healthy relationship that isnt lopsided? When is it ever ok to be myself? What is so wrong with me that I have to� metamorphosis into some one other than who Iam.

My kids I absolutley loathe at times, this is one of the decisions I regret. Not much I can do to change that now. They are like blood suckers, they want my life in blood, the very breath I breathe they want to consume. It is too much, most days I just want ot beat them into submission or sleep which ever comes first . Doesnt really matter to me.

I have to make the best of shit here, not sure how but got to do something different. come monday morning Iam going on the prowl for a job. This house and everything and everyone in it is driving me up the fucking wall.� I need to� release this pressure. I have no space or privacy. As soon as I go to the bathroom someone is pushing to door open, not even knocking. Which further perpetuates the idea that� I dont deserve to be respected. How can one such as myself be so educated/intelligent and feel� like an idiot.

This has nothing to do with�"kyle" or anyone else in my life I just feel stupid most days. And I tell myself often that Iam dumb and deserve the shit that happens. When bad shit happens I dont even try to stop it anymore. I� accept it. I just dont care anymore, about much of anything really. As far as him it is what it is. Im� off and running,, he is so accurate when he said I run from things. If he only knew that I have been doing this all my life. This is my coping mechanism, especially when it comes to conflict. That is how I resolve it, by simply running� or avoiding it all together. I hate arguing cause I know� the end result, a physcial confrontation, or something worse! And to be truthful I dont think he or anyone cares about how I feel anyway. No one really listens to me when I do speak out.� I've got to get a grip and let go of the dreams and hopes I had of having something meaningful with a man.. My thought is that doing so will� safeguard me from being hurt or disappointed. I know that sounds fucked up by that is how I� see it. It is not important what others say about me rather what I say about myself.� This is my life and my fucked up views. It is not "his" job or anyone to change shit for me.

I embarked on this amazing journey of faith that has got me this far. I fell in love with a man, a yoga instructor. What was supposed to be spiritual turned out to be quite a roller coaster ride for me. But now ,its time to let it all go. He's not a saint ,and I shouldnt impose that on him just because he's doing yoga. He's very much a human, a man.

I believe I can move on strongly without him. Although from time to time, I am tempted to feel that he still feels something for me, but I shall refrain from that. I have never regretted liking someone like him. He's so carefree. I can't tie him down, and I don't want to. I think its time to let him go......and myself too.

It hurts very bad , at times I'm fine, at times I'm not .

At times its really hard to breathe as u think of him every day, ur thoughts just surround this man. "How do i carry on without him" at times i wonder....

When I let him go totally, will he end up coming back to me one day? Can I pray to God to unite us?

Anyway people, as I was reading my own personal posts , i teared up.I realise how happy i used to be, how hopeful� i used to be.but its all gone now.